Do you see the things you do to me?
Do you see that things are happening?
Do you see the one thing that is true?
The things I do for you, the one thing that's true.
The happiness in you.
I swear I know it's true.
Do you see the things you do to me?
Do you see that things are happening?
Do you see the one thing that is true?
The things I do.
The one thing that is true.
That one thing is you.
Do you see your the only one for me?
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139,416 Literary Works • 672,559 Reviews
This poem seems a little....I don't want to say shallow, that sounds bad. It's definitely cliched, but that isn't necessarily a bad thing. It needs more depth; more emotion. It doesn't seem to flow very well either; most poetry seems to have a sort of beat, but this one didn't so much.
Another small suggestion, which may help the flow a little--
I'm not sure why, but I think it sounds better if you change that's to that is
Happy Writing!
~Bells~
All in all, I don't see much of a purpose for this poem. My mind glazed over the repeated questions, and once you take those away, not much is happening, especially as what's in between is essentially the same idea repeated. I think you could take the second stanza and flesh it out with some imagery and emotions so that it grips the reader into wanting to see, as the title suggests, rather than being hounded to do so.
feel free to PM me if you have any questions
-Amelia
You might want to check out this thread on rhetorical questions in poetry, particularly this quote:
The only specific edit I can suggest is changing "I swear I know it's true" to "you know I swear it's true," to keep your rhythm without the repetition. I just think it would sound better.
Content wise, this didn't do a whole lot for me. Like Snoink said, it's a little cliché. It wasn't a new idea, and that's okay as long as you have a new way of saying it, which you really didn't. Not to say this is bad or anything, but it's also not particularly great, either.
It's kind of repetitive. I guess it's a little cute, but it seems a bit too cliched too, and the lines seem like a conglomerate of lines from love songs all stuck together.
Tell us something that interests you -- let the words flow out!